cixelsyd u era

Playing Along

2007-09-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

This happened some months back. I was visiting Sapna Bookstores at Jayanagar. I had been to their Majestic store the day before and had collected a gift (CD Case) from there on the puchase of 1000/-. Now here again I purchased books worth 1000/- and approached the "gift" counter. Since I already had the CD case I wanted something else, a tupperware container. But this was a lower gift, for 750/-.

I approached the man at the counter and pointed out the tupperware to him. He smilingly corrected me and said that I was entitled to a FREE CD Case for 1000/-, the tupperware being for "lesser" customers. I said I still wanted the tupperware. At this he was aghast, here was a perfectly sane looking, educated guy who was refusing a FREE gift and instead wanted a lesser priced one!!! He tried to explain the scheme to me again.

Now I realised I had shaken the very foundations of this human and decided to play along. I acted as if it was "now" that I understood how the scheme worked and gracefully accepted the CD Case. I thanked him profusely from having had made a profound error. I still remember his smiling face, his faith in humanity restored.

We are moving

2007-07-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

"Our business is moving. Our concern is you"

What does the above mean? Does it not appear that the said business is shifting its place of work and is concerned about its customers?

No sir, it is the corporate statement of a firm (www.globemoving.net) that helps you move your home/office. With a statement like that I am sure lots of customers will get confused.

Absurdities

2007-07-09T02:19:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend was watching a Kannada movie starring Shankar Nag. He needs a disguise quickly to do the usual dance number in front of the villains before the final(showdown). Guess what he chooses? A sardar getup!! What could be more suspicious than a sardarji singing a kannada song eulogising the state's people. But the villains were just not able to figure it out.

Also, been seeing the BSNL ads on TV featuring Preity Zinta as herself. She sees a banner flash on her laptop saying -" BSNL 250/- per month". At this she is so overjoyed that she begins dancing! Now why does she have to play herself in the ad? If so, then what's with the 250 bucks?? "Dhoom Barabar" did not pay well I guess...

Self-activity?

2006-09-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

Recently won a gift-voucher at office. The event was Dumb-C. The event itself was nothing much to write about but what was interesting was the quotation at the end of the coupon I had won. I wonder if I am the only one who notices such things?

P.S::I am sure PentHouse qualifies ;)

Baba Marathi bolta hai kya?

2005-09-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

The above words ought to be familiar to everyone who visits shopping areas in Bangalore. I encountered these twice over the last weekend. The setting was the same, a harried looking man carrying a suitcase with a lady carrying a baby. The picture of a villager travelling with his family. He tries to identify a north indian looking guy and starts his sob story. "baba, paisa nahin hai, pocket chori ho gaya". The wife adds a few comments regarding the baby. I have seen quite a few couples moved by their plight and making their pockets lighter by paying for these guys' ticket fare. As soon as the money is in the pocket these guys start scouting for their next target.

A different trick is employed by some other cheats. They hang around MG Road and nearby areas and ask passerbys the directions for Majestic or Malleswaram, basically any faraway place. Soon the person giving the directions advices the guy to take a rick or a bus since the place is definitely not at a walkable distance. Now the sob story begins, it starts with a request for auto-fare and finally they are willing to settle even for the bus fare!! I met a guy outside my office once, he was asking me the directions for Lalbagh. Now I do sometimes walk from my office all the way to Lalbagh, so I thought maybe another health conscious guy and gave him the entire directions, also suggesting the unpolluted route. Later I realized that I had narrowly missed the sob story part and had managed to foil his plans. No wonder he had a shocked look! Made me very happy:)

So next time you encounter one of these characters I advice you remember Johnny Walker and "keep walking".

Salaam

2005-09-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Just check out Saif in the above picture with his Calvin Klein showing thru. One of these days he is gonna get one hell of a wedgie. The low-rise jeans that is the rage currently(or cause of rage) was introduced by the makers of Calvin Klein. Even though the brand was well known, they were at a severe disadvantage because celebrities just could not show that they endorsed the brand while they were amongst the common 'junta'. So the makers came out with a new style of jeans that would just show the label of what lies beneath. Thus was born the low-rise jean.

Doggies

2005-09-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

My wife is a dog lover and it is rather unfortunate that none of us (my mom dad and me) share this love. However this has not deterred her from showing her affection towards all the strays that patrol our neighbourhood. There are close to 10 in our area and I am not mentioning the puppies! They are a proper nuisance and most of them would have been picked up by the dog squad if not for some dog-lovers who managed to tie them down and get a collar over their necks.

One such bitch was always trying to make our home hers but my dad always managed to drive her away. But that did not stop her(it?) from trying. Some nights she managed to jump over the compound wall and spent the night at our doorstep. But the next morning dad/me would always drive her away. But one week my parents were away and only me and Chethana were at home. This week somehow every night there was some rice leftover from the night's dinner and Chethana smuggled it outside for the bitch's benefit. I too was moved by the dog's attempts and did not mind it coming in. So soon this dog was spending its night at our doorstep. I did wonder over what would happen when my parents would return...

That problem was taken care of by the dog itself. The day my parents returned and entered the

locality it started running circles around them showing all signs of joy. My dad was horrified, never had a dog done this and he was wondering what was wrong. He tried to shoo it away but that did not stop it. He asked me what was wrong to which I managed a puzzled expression. Next morning again as soon as he opened the gate this dog entered the compound as if it was its home. By evening dad had realized what had happened but the dog had its way.

For the next few months it adopted our house and we were feeding it in the night. That was until one evening we found it missing. Our neighbours told us that since the dogs of the area were making too much trouble some of them had been taken away to cubbon park. But I guess this action was akin to Naidu sending all beggars of Hyderabad outside the city when a foreign dignitary came visiting. They invariably came back. So did the dogs which was quite an achievement. Cubbon park is a fair distance away from BTM Layout!! Some days later a nearby watchman took the dog away to his home.

Thus I thought my brief encounter with dogs had ended until some days back another bitch laid its litter and guess who has been showing them the maximum affection? One was good enough but three?

Dhobi

2005-08-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

Do u realize that a dhobi is the only person who can get away by saying "Bhabhi .. kapde nikal kar rakhna.. main baad main aakar LETA hoon"

Shopping for jeans (ii)

2005-08-08T02:25:00.000-07:00

After the zipper incident I was naturally more cautious while buying my jeans. But as time went by I became complacent until rudely awoken one day.

This time the venue was the Mega-Mart. This one was at JP Nagar and was newly opened. It had that irritating property of all newly opened clothing stores, an over courteous salesman. This guy kept following me around advicing me on various things. On that day I really did not like what I found in the store, but because of the persistent salesman I felt compelled to buy something. Finally I found a pair that met my requirements and I went in the trial room and found it ok. I bought that pair.

A couple of days later I wore that pair to office. At home they seemed pretty fine, no probs. But as the day progressed I realised that there was something that was not right. Everytime I looked at the mirror I tended to tug at them a bit to bring them to my comfort waist level. First I thought maybe I had put on some weight and made a note to spend some more time on the treadmill. But that was not it.. something was definitely wrong with them.

Later at home I made a more careful examination of the jeans' label. There in small print was mentioned quite clearly "32", straight-leg, zip-fly, low-waist". Needless to say, I have worn this pair only when there is nothing else available. And whenever I have done that I do not tuck in my shirt. I truly sympathised with P and his button-fly jeans.

So next time you see others wearing a similar pair, do sympathise with them, for they might be wearing them not by choice.

Piss-Monkey

2005-08-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

I hope this is not a prank.... :)

Shopping for jeans (i)

2005-08-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

Shopping for a pair of jeans is a very simple task I used to think. U just needed to get the the waist size and colour right. This view of mine has slowly been taken apart over the years.

First one was the incident at HSS Gurgaon. There was a place near the Delhi Haryana border called Mahipalpur. Here you had shops where could get a lot of branded stuff at factory prices. However since there was a scarcity of space these shops did not have a trial room. I and my friend P had gone there to get a pair of jeans for P. Once there P realized that he was not too keen to buy something that he had not tried on since there were just too many brands to select from. So we pleaded with the shop owner and he asked us to use the terrace. So to the terrace we went and with me standing guard my friend tried on the jeans. After a few trials he selected one and as we went down he saw a pair identical to the one that he had selected but of a more preferable colour. So he ditched the one he had selected after so much effort and took the other one. What the heck.. it was of the same waist size, length and brand.

That was a big mistake for even though everything else was same, it was lacking a zipper. Instead of that it had a button fly!! Jeans with buttons instead of a zipper were as good as a lungi with a zipper. Par kya karein, since we had already paid for the same we could not go back and return it. Some days later after P had convinced himself to wear it(I'm sure it was tough), he came to office wearing it. We had one heck of a rowdy gang at office. As soon as a guy noticed this new fashion he burst out laughing. Soon the entire junta began commenting on this and P was the butt of all jokes. One guy reasoned out that P's proclivity for buttons instead of a zipper had something to do with an accidental pull in the loo.( Yeah.. everyone said, if you were in a hurry then the zipper could cause a lot of pain if u were not careful). Another one was visualising a romantic scene oft repeated in Hindi movies of a wife sewing on her husband's missing button BUT with a difference ;) . Hajaar things, but we had a hell of a laugh. P however defended his decision for a while through all this. That was until a guy said that jeans with buttons were actually worn by girls......

That was it.. P never again wore that pair. So that is a thing that I watch out for now while buying a pair of jeans.

Tamaso ma jyotir-gamaya

2005-07-27T02:04:00.000-07:00

Know what the above means? According to a SMS I received it means "Tum so jao maa, main Jyothi ke ghar ja raha hoon".

Smart revenge

2005-07-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have been travelling by BMTC to work for nearly a month now. It is extremely difficult to find a seat in the bus and most of the times I travel standing, being compressed on all sides. (Mohan is interested now I guess)In the mornings however on rare occassions I manage to get a seat . Today was one such day. But as soon as I occupied the seat I realised that the person I was sharing it with was a squirmish and "aggro" sort. First of all he did not allow me to sit comfortably having had hogged as much space as possible, to add to that he kept commenting each time I changed position as the bus negotiated the steep turns. An easy way out would have been to use my own bulk and try to compress him in the slot (Mohan must be really interested now..) but I decided to use my head instead. As I heard in a movie, "Dhai kilo ka sar hai, usmein 100 gram bheja to hoga!!!"( We have a head weighing 2.5 Kgs, there must be at least 100 gms of brain in that).

At the next stop the crowd thinned a bit and a muslim lady entered. She was a very healthy sort, u know what I mean. I generously stood up and offered my seat to her. She sat down heavily and made some space for herself and her protective husband thanked me profusely. For the rest of the journey I had the satisfaction of seeing the "aggro" guy suffer.

I Complete a year!!!

2005-07-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

For those that do not know it, I completed a year of married life on the 27th of June. Frankly speaking I really do feel that the year passed away a bit too quickly. But it was a good load of fun. All relatives that had called up to "congratulate" always ended with a query "Any Other news?" To all these I replied with an equally loaded reply "Wait and watch".

I would rate my marriage at the time being as "Stable". Any attempts on my part to slightly destabilise have been and will be most severely and mercilessly thwarted, so I have given up on any attempts on that angle.

Exactly a year back we had spent our honeymoon in Munnar and for our first anniversary we had decided to visit Madikeri and also Kukke Subrahmanya. So on the 25th of June we set off on our Santro in the direction of Mangalore on the NH-4. The car this time was loaded with chips, juice, sweaters,torch,medicines etc etc. A marked change from the bachelor days when on certain occassions I even forgot to carry the clothes that touch me the most. After taking the deviation for NH-48 at Nelamangala we stopped for breakfast at a push-cart. The lady there was selling freshly prepared idlis and we had our fill. Somehow both of us do not mind eating at lesser sophisticated joints and hence places like FishLand, Fanoos figure prominently on our weekend visits.

The highway leading towards Hassan is excellent and the sporadic traffic makes driving even more pleasant. We reached Hassan in about 3 hours, having had covered a distance of 160 kms. Compare that to the Bangalore-Mysore highway that requires around 5 hrs to cover a distance of 140 kms. Post marriage I have begun to drive a bit slower and have begun to show more respect for the dogs on the road(beautiful creatures). With the canine spokesperson on board I do not have much of a choice actually.

After Hassan we came to the Shiradi ghat and I showed Chethana the spot where we had started our railroad trek. The spot was the abandoned Donigal railway station and most probably on our second anniversary trains would start running on that track. Driving in the Shiradi ghat has always been a favourite with me and this time the weather was also fantastic. Because of monsoons most of the water falls along the highway were gushing along. Driving in the ghat of Shiradi takes more time and seems less riskier when compared to the Augumbe ghat. Augumbe ghats require great skill, since a "hairpin curve" there really means that. But the entire distance gets completed pretty quickly so there is no time(or parking space) to stop and enjoy the beauty.

After the ghats, at a spot called Gundya we need to take a left to reach the temple at Kukke Subrahmanya. Amongst the younger generation this spot will have more of a recall because of it being the "base-camp" for treks. But we came here for strictly religious purposes and any trek was ruled out because of the rainy weather. K.S (Kukke Subrahmanya .. dont confuse please) is a one-street temple-town and its commerce is driven by the tourists. But the place was surprisingly clean and we had a simple meal at one of the restaurants. That done we decided to check into a hotel called Seshnag-Ashraya that had been recommended to us. The tariff was 540/- and the room was pretty good. After a nap we decided to visit the temple.

The temple is a pretty old one and in recent times has begun to attract a lot many devotees. One reason is better connectivity courtesy KSRTC. There was not too much of a crowd since during the months of "Ashaadha", the lord is given a rest and not too many religious ceremonies take place. After visiting the temple we just did not know what to do. KS was one of those places where time seems to stop. We actually visited the KSRTC bus stop there just cos there was nothing else to do! Imagine walking into a KSRTC bus stop and checking out the buses, the cloak room, the notices.. all because there is nothing else to do!!! yup... we did it.

Somehow being alone in an otherwise-crowded-but-currently-empty place always gives me a kick. I guess it is the thought of the absolute anonymity that you possess in such places. Some friends I have known just cannot spend an evening alone all by themselves, but I seem to have no problems. One thing that I really want to do is visit LalBagh at 3:00 on a Monday afternoon. Just the thought gives me goosebumps. All alone in a place and nobody bothered about you..... Btw my wife gets completely unnerved when I go in such a mood. I am a gregarious person usually and I guess she finds such an intense private life out of place and unexpected.

Anyways after the KSRTC bus stand visit we visited a local museum. Yes .. KS has a museum. A very cute and small museum. It has some old coins, some currency notes from various countries and at least 3 ancient radios and typewriters. What would impress you is not the content of the museum but the fact that the officials actually maintain one there!! Coming out we went for a long walk and checked out the trinkets for sale at the shops. Then we just walked here and there, visited the local college(empty of course), took a couple of snaps, watched the local populace . I seriously recommend a visit to this town, not just for the religious significance but to feel the pace of life that exists in smaller towns of India. Then it began to rain and we took refuge in a small hotel off the main road and sat eating bajjis and drinking tea. We watched the rain fall on the street in front . The weather, mood and company was an incredible combination. It is a memory that will stay with me for a long time.

The Blore-Mlore highway and Mysore-Mlore highway run parallel and join at a place near Bantwal. The Mysore-Mlore route is very picturesque and u cross Madikeri en-route. From KS we needed to reach the Mys-Mlore highway to get to Madikeri. We needed to first go to Sulya and then move towards Mysore on that until we reached Madikeri. The road connecting Sulya with KS was a single road, meaning only one vehicle could move. But it was in decent shape and the scenery we encountered was excellent. The monsoons had ensured that we were treated to all shades of green. On the way we stopped at a small shop and the guy was able to whip up omelettes for us . In that weather anything would have tasted good :)

Before we reached Madikeri we encountered a turn that read "Bhagamandala-Talacauvery". Since it was just 2:00 in the afternoon we decided to visit these places before we went to Madikeri. Talacauvery is the place where the river Cauvery originates and is located at a high altitude. The distance was around 42 kms. We reached Talacauvery in an hour and a half and the place was absolutely covered in fog(clouds). I had to drive with extreme caution and with my headlights at high beam. There were not too many people around and we were very lucky that it was not raining. All in all a great time to visit the place!!

We reached Madikeri at around 4:30 and checked into a hotel called Hilltown. It was a decent hotel, but the rooms were a bit small. Later we visited the standard must-visits in Madikeri, Rajas's seat, Omkareshwara temple and the fort. Cant say much about these except that the view from Raja's seat is really good and we spent a quiet evening sitting at one of the benches. Then we tried to hunt out a place that would serve local Coorgi food but most of the restaurants only advertised Chinees and Mugalai food. Disappointed we decided to have our dinner at a place called Hotel Rajadarshan. The room I entered had some hard core boozing in progress, so I asked the manager there to show me the "family-room". He took me to another part and here we had an entire family boozing. Mom,dad, grandmom,granddad .. all of them . Anyways we were hungry and ordered our dinner. It was quite good actually.

Next day we got up early and took off for the other attraction of Madikeri, the Abbey falls. This place is at a distance of around 14 kms from Madikeri town and the road is pretty decent. Once again caution was necessary since this was also a single road. From the place where u park your vehicle you need to walk for arounnd half a kilometre on a track that goes through a private estate. We were automatically guided to the right spot by the sound of the waterfall. It was a pretty good sight actually and we were the only ones there. I have never had a waterfall all to myself !! We returned from the place after spending half an hour there.

After checking out we proceeded in the direction of Mysore. At a distance of around 25 kms you reach a place called Guddehosur. From here if you take left you reach the Harangi dam, right takes you towards the Dubare elephant camp and straight you go towards Cauvery Nisargadhama. We took the left and encountered an extremely bad stretch. After around 5 kms we came to the Harangi dam. It does not have any generation capabilities and is built to dam the cauvery. It was having some really well maintained gardens and lawns. The view from the dam, of the catchment area was also pretty good. Had we reached when water was being released I am sure the view on the other side also would have been excellent. It being Monday and the off season as well, the entire area was desolate and empty. It was an eerie feeling, being alone next to such a huge structure. I could just imagine the level of activity that would have been there when the dam was being constructed.

From the Harangi dam we drove back to GuddeHosur and drove towards Siddapur. This state highway leads to the Dubare elephant camp. After a distance of around 15 kms you need to take a left at a sign board. The route from here on is pretty bad and you actually need to drive through a paddy field at the last stretch. To reach the camp you need to cross the river using a boat. The more adventurous have the option of using a coracle as well. The camp conducts a package tour in the mornings. The entire package includes getting close to the elephants while they are being bathed, (You can go and scrub them as well) feeding them and then a ride through the camp on their backs. By the time we reached it was "TimeUp"and we had to do with just a tour of the camp. The whole package costs 150/- per head. But make sure you reach the place in time. There is lodging facility available here but at a steep price of 2200/- per cottage. The place has a decent restaurant and we had a quick snack of omelettes(again!!).

Next stop was Cauvery Nisargadhama. This was pretty boring and there was really not much to see apart from the deer park. Had we come with a larger gang I am sure it would have been much better. This places offers accomodation in cottages. I had a look at them and they seemed pretty decent. A boy was sweeping out the mess that had been created by the previous visitors, empty cartons of RC, bottles of Smirnoff and lots of empty cigarette packs. For those that are interested, these are available at very reasonable rates. The guys there quoted 650/- as the charge. But you need to book them thru the office of the Forest Department Madikeri. The boy I was speaking to pointed to the empty bottles he was clearing and said, "These are the kind of people that usually visit". So please be warned...

Chakk de phatte!!!

2005-05-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

I watched "Jo Bole So Nihaal" on the previous weekend. Some gyaan for all readers...

The FBI has a new dress code for long leggy female agents! It includes long boots, a pink tank top and a micro-skirt. The tank top has "FBI" embroidered on it.
Making a remote controlled explosive is remarkably simple. Just stick in an IC and a LED into some modelling clay, and press ur TV remote. Kabooooom.....
U can land a FBI chopper right into indian villages!
FBI stands for "Fully Bewakoof Insaan"

I am not quite sure how the director intended to position this movie. Was it a comedy or a dhishum-dhishum kind of a movie? After seeing the movie I am still confused. Sunny Deol appears headed in the same direction as Mithunda and Jackie... the B and C category movies. These kind of movies might not do well in the urban metros but will bring in the crowd in the cowbelt regions. The kind of comedy in this movie reminded me of the movies his dad Dharmendra had to resort to during the last stages of his own career. I cannot understand why Sunny, who had given excellent performances in Gadar, Border is trying his hand at this kind of comedy so late in his career.

Let me take you thru the movie...

Sunny Deol is Nihaal Singh, a police constable in some part of Punjab. He is a very down to earth chap and lets go a mercenary Romeo(Kamaal Khan) who feeds him some tale abt his cancer ridden daughter. Romeo is an international terrorist who has executed assassinations in Israel, China, Russia ... etc,etc basically a chap whom no one has been able to see/apprehend. His favourite mechanism of killing people is sticking an IC and a LED into some modelling clay and then clicking his remote. OK.. OK.. plastic explosive does indeed look like modelling clay, but I and u know that, not the rural folk in Punjab and Haryana. I am pretty sure some studs there will already be attempting this.

After Nihaal Singh lets go of Romeo he is stripped of his uniform by the Punjab Police and his family ostracised. Nihaal takes a vow to bring back Romeo to Punjab and prove his innocence.

Cut to next scene, FBI officials are seen discussing plans to apprehend Romeo who is supposed to have taken the contract to eliminate the US president. But since nobody has seen him till date they have to revert to Nihaal Singh to obtain his help. So they fly their chopper to Punjab and arrive at the local police station with their laptops. Nihaal Singh accompanies them back to USA and sets to his task.

All mercenaries have a signature and Romeo has a very subtle one. After his job is done he always visits a church and confesses to his crime in front of the father. After the confession he kills the father as well, Cool. The next weekend he confesses to the Father's murder in yet another church and so on and so forth. So Nihaal Singh uses this habit of Romeo to nab him. What follows in the movie is a very low level of comedy at times. Sample.. Sunny is roaming the streets of New York and notices a transvestite. He goes and grabs the guy/gal right where he/she is missing the vital organ. And laughs at that....!!!! This might not make you laugh but I can just imagine the scene at the theatre in Patiala.

Then there is a shady millionaire in the movie. He is a Vijay Mallya lookalike with proclivities for babes, booze and beaches. He hires Romeo to kill somebody but Nihaal Singh foils his plans. NihalEnemies++. How Nihaal manages to catch Romeo and brings him back to India is what forms the extremely avoidable second half of the movie. Oh before I forget, amidst the confusion in the second half it turns out that the FBI itself is trying to eliminate the president. I had completely given up any hope of locating some sense in the movie by that time.

A lot of puns are made on Sardars and I greatly admired the Sardars in the theatre who took the jokes pretty well. There are 3 songs in the movie and barring one which is the title track the rest are forgettable. Kamaal Khan as Romeo debuts in the movie and I wonder why he was not allowed a song in the movie. I mean when u can allow every other kind of nonsense why not this?

I just hope Sunny does not continue to do these kind of movies any longer. He might get the audiences initially but in the long run he would lose it all.

Sat Sri Akaal.

Yucky Lucky

2005-05-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I watched a wonderful movie called "Jo Bole So Nihaal", the weekend before that I saw an even better movie called "Lucky-No Time For Love". The first one sounds like a religious movie and the second sounds like a doggie tale. Neither are actually what they sound like and both of them are so bad that they are good. Binu, I must say "Aankhein" has serious competetion.

First lets take "Lucky". Salman Khan is the main "attraction" here. A rare positive review about the movie says that even die hard Shahrukh fans would become converts after watching Salman's excellent performance here. My opinion on his acting is that he has reached the rock bottom of his career and has started digging. I also heard that when initially Salman was approached with the script of the movie, he became extremely emotional on hearing the story. Salman I share ur emotions dude, the movie definitely causes tears to well up especially if u have seen it at an multiplex with ur wife at the cost of tickets+popcorn+cola+petrol+parking charges. No doubt about that, this movie will bring tears in your eyes. Anyway lets dissect the movie itself.

One of the highlights of this movie has been the fully clad Salman. Guess the directors did not have too much of an opportunity to ask him to take off his shirt in the extremely cold weather of Russia. There was a scene wherein the heroine(more on her later) is suffering from hypothermia, and there was a tiny possibility that Salman might take off his stuff, but thankfully the moment passed. Salman is a cool dude in the movie with the handle "Aadi". No not AadiManav, it is short for Adithya. What he does for a living nobody knows, but is the son of India's ambassador to Russia and when he makes an appearance in the movie, has just driven a car from France to Russia. I guess that pales all ur Mumbai-Pune, Bangy-Mysore road trips. He is the heart throb of desi girls studying in Russian schools and is an extremely kind guy at heart, and takes pity on a schoolgirl who hides in his car and helps her to reach her parents while the Chechen rebels are blasting away.

Next, the Bengali heartthrob, Mithunda. I think it is after 20 years that Mithun has made an appearance in a A-grade movie after two decades of his Z-Grade Ooty productions. But that does not mean that he has lost his touch. His Z-Grade touch that is. His character seems to suffer from a distinct hangover of one of his last "Z" category movie. In the movie he plays a retired Special Services agent. ("Special Services"?? Indian equivalent of SAS,MI6? ) An agent who has seen Murder, Rape, War, Kidnapping and Espionage during his term of service. In short a know-all guy who can solve any crisis. He turns up when he is most unexpected and helps out Salman and co. And also the directors, for they do not have to give any explanations for certain scenes of the movie which are absolutely inexplicable. His is a character that all directors would love to have!! He is approached by the Indian ambassador to help trace Salman and Sneha when the city is in the clutches of Chechen rebels. Mithunda then uses all his "contacts" to track the duo. At no point of the movie do you actually feel any compassion for the lead-pair since you always know that Mithunda is hanging around somewhere on the sets. Soon after the rebels take over the city the communication lines are down, meaning the cellphones do not work! But our Mithunda manages to bring up the network for just a single minute by speaking to a soldier sitting in a truck. Mobile telephony has a new meaning! My funniest dialogue in the movie was when he sees Salman for the first time, sizes him up like a gay would and says "Kitna bada ho gaya re tu?" At 42 Salman Khan does indeed look grown up!!

Next the heroine, Sneha. An Aishwarya lookalike, she has handled her first movie pretty much on expected lines. Her character is that of "Lucky", a schoolgirl who is hardworking, sincere and good at her studies. She studies in a Russian school that has a uniform that looks almost like a ceremonial dress. Her primary task in the movie is to appear lost,scared,innocent and a lot like Aishwarya. The first three she manages by virtue of this being her first movie and the last is taken care of by makeup. Btw she is also going to be playing female lead in the next Sohail Khan venture named "Aryan", the storyline for which seemed based on the Stallone starrer Rocky.

But the movie does have some spectacular scenes shot in snowbound Russia. That is the only strong point of an otherwise hopeless movie. The storyline is also extremely weak. The fact that Sneha is yet a schoolgirl could have been explored further by the directors by giving the interaction between her and Salman some awkwardness rather than making it a full blown romance. She is 18 and Salman is 42. Old enough to be her dad!

On the day we landed up at the multiplex most of the better movies were sold out, and hence wifey was able to con me into watching this movie. But I got her to agree to the fact that next time the movie would be of my choice. The choice later was to be "Jo Bole So Nihaal", which I sold to her as a romantic movie. Sunny's "Gadar" had been a romantic one and I cannot blame her for falling for that :) More on that later...

Tsunami Allegation !!!

2005-01-07T01:27:00.000-08:00

After the recent tragedy of Dec 26 almost all Indians will be familiar with this word. I am sure that before this date not many would have even heard it in their lives. Today it is all over the newspapers and on the tip of everybody's tongues. I was listening to "Aaj Tak" yesterday and there was a news item related to the Anara Gupta case. The Forensic Science Laboratory Hyderabad had reported that the girl in the (in)famous CD was not Anara Gupta. In response to this report lots of human rights experts have jumped to her side. One guy was saying in the news item that it was a horrible mistake and was a kind of "tsunami" allegation that had been made against the poor girl's character. "Tsunami", a new word that our correspondents have lapped up. I am sure that the word will be used as an adjective for quite some more time.

Coming to the Anara Gupta case itself. Till yesterday all were pointing fingers at the girl and her family and suddenly today all have teamed up against the J&K police. The police in connivance with the CD mafia, had made use of the brand name of "Miss Jammu" to further the sales of the CD, and that the girl had confessed to the crime under duress, it is alleged. I just hope that this new development does not add to the publicity and cause the sales of the CD to skyrocket. I can just see some good-at-heart men declaring to their wives and girlfriends, "Get me the CD, I will support her cause, I will determine if she is the one or not".

This case however has a few things in common with the body-double incident that had come to light a year back. Remember Manisha Koirala and fellow conspirator Shashilal Nair? He made a movie with Manisha in the lead and shot a few scenes using a body double. Now the public was lapping up the movie anyway, but with Manisha declaring that she was not the one who had done "those dirty scenes", the movie was soon running to packed houses!! Now why Mr Nair chose to have a body double do those scenes is highly debatable, maybe Ms Koirala is not as hot as everybody expects her to be. But how would Mr Nair know about that?? Hmmmm...?? Anyway lets leave that thing. It is something that happened in the past.

Let's instead come to the forensic science lab Hyderabad. These guys have indeed done a commendable job and saved a girl's respect. I can just imagine the late nights they might have spent in the office over samosas and chai, viewing the CD. Since a viewing of one CD would have proved inconclusive I am sure more would have been ordered and viewed again and again. For sure, this demanding assignment would have caught the eyes of many more technical organisations in India such as the DRDO,ISRO. I am sure all of them would have liked to have such challenging and demanding assignments. Also on the recruitment front lot more youngsters will show keenness to join the forensic science lab, Hyderabad. All in all, good clean publicity for the organisation.

(Last seen, Kareena Kapoor was standing in a queue outside the lab with a mobile phone in her hand)

But one thought keeps coming in my mind, how exactly would they have proven that the girl is "not" Anara? I mean if you are given a Elbonian currency note and asked to prove that it is "not" a genuine Elbonian currency note, how would you do it? You for sure do not know how an original Elbonian currency note looks like. So the next simple thing to do would be to request for an original note and examine it in fine detail. Then you could compare the features with the counterfeit and say with confidence that it is a counterfeit. I just wonder how the forensic lab did their task. Did they... I mean.. like.... u know..... hee hee hee.... I just wanna know one thing, "Are these guys hiring???"

Horn OK Please

2005-01-06T02:48:00.000-08:00

Anybody who has travelled in India will be able to place the words in the title immediately. These words along with the "Hum Do Humare Do" slogan, immediately bring to mind the rear of a truck. The "Horn OK Please" carries such a good recall that I wonder why we have not had any director making a movie with it as the title. The words are painted behind so many trucks and other LMVs that one would be tempted to believe that these are meant for meeting some RTO directive. The truth however is that these words were painted in order to allow vehicles to overtake. The word OK used to have a big light below it that used to be switched ON when the driver of the vehicle wanted to signal to the vehicle following that it was safe to overtake. The "Horn Please" used to surround the "OK" with one word on each side, and as the bulb glowed these words used to become visible and were supposed to read as "Horn Please". Basically meaning, "please horn while u overtake, upon seeing the OK". Today however this system is no longer used, in its place being a very misleading mechanism of using the right indicator. But this legacy has continued and these words continue to occupy their slots.

While we were going for our post lunch walk today, Anil was telling us about his erstwhile American colleague who had come down to India for a short tour. This guy was very happy to see the "Horn Please" painted behind every vehicle he saw in India. American society frowns upon the usage of the horn and it is considered extremely impolite to honk unless you have a very serious protest to make. So the guy was extremely happy to find that in India you were actually being requested to honk by the leading vehicles and hence he kept honking everywhere he went. These are the tiny pleasures that we Indians take for granted!!

Speaking of pleasures, another favourite pastime of mine is reading the graffiti that is scribbled on the rear of the trucks. This seems to have acquired the status of an art form nowadays. A recent one that I noticed when I had travelled up north was "Hum Tumhari Le Chuke Sanam". But I have to agree that this is done primarily in the northern part of India. The southern truckers seem to be happy by mentioning "XYZ Transports" and ofcourse the "Horn Ok Please".

A very common one used to be "Buri Nazar Vaale Tera Munh Kaala". This was modified by an innovative guy to read as "Buri Nazar Vaale Tera Beta Jiye, Bada hokar tera khoon piye"!! Another one was "Buri Nazar Vaale, Tu Chala Ja Pakistan". If one were to notice the huge diesel tanks of these trucks , they invariably used to read "Khuraak Mantri" or "Khadya Mantri". The same stuff translated to English, down south, I saw a truck with "Food Ministry" painted across the tank. I must say that we Indians sure do have a sense of humour.

Here in Bangalore, instead of the trucks I look out for the auto rickshaws. These guys seem to have their own favourites. A very common one is "Hi XXX", the XXX being anybody from Upendra to ChandreGowda. Some of these have religious connotations as well. "Jesus will save you" is pretty common. The Bangalore RTO seemed to have made it a rule for all autos to have "Please do not pollute the environment" painted on the rear. It is ironical to find this written on an auto, which sometimes is the most polluting vehicle around. I guess what they are actually trying to say is "Please do not pollute the environment, we are doing a good enough job". Here, just as all over the world, grammar rules take a beating. A properly spelled complete sentence is a rarity. "Black smoke , the lungs choke" is a good example.

Reverting to the earlier topic of trucks I remember this marketing survey result that a friend of mine had disclosed to me. The survey was called for by a firm that manufactures a female hygiene product (blush,blush:). They had noticed that a lot of sales were being made out of the tiny paan-cigarette joints that line the highways, typically around a dhaba. Since it is not very common for the end-users of this product to hang around highways , the firm did some more studies. They found that these products were sought after by the truck drivers!! The drivers seemed to find these products very useful in tackling excessive sweating behind the neck and other common troublesome areas;) I wonder if the firm has tried to modify their advertising to target this category of consumers. It sure is a difficult task to market the same product keeping in mind the feminine aspect and also the truck driver. Reminds me of the pepsi/coke officials when they found that their colas were being put to use as pesticide-additives by some farmers in Karnataka and as a result sales were booming. Now how are they to cater to this class??

2005-01-04T22:41:00.000-08:00

Koena Mitra Live

2005-01-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

Since just too many people had asked me what we were planning for the new year, I felt we ought to do something that was expected of a young couple. When Mohan asked me if I wanted passes for the new year bash event being organised by Country Club I grabbed the chance. The highlight of the event was a live performance by Koena Mitra, the bombshell from Kolkata who had featured in an "Item Number" in the movie "Musafir". The pass mentioned her as the "Saki Saki Saki" girl. The original "Saki", HH Munro must be turning in his grave.(That was his pen name).

We reached Palace grounds, the venue for the bash at around 9 in the night. There was a huge turnout. What surprised me was that there were a lot of families also, by families I mean, mom dad, grandma, grandpa, kiddies, the whole gang. This was a bit unusual at a "bash" and I failed to see the warning signs. Anyway, what I was interested was in Koena Mitra and what the heck if there was a crowd.

As we entered there were filler items going on. Some chap dressed up as Rajesh Khanna was slamming the public with PJ after PJ. What made them worse was the fact that the guy was more concerned about imitating the Rajesh Khanna mannerisms rather than the quality of jokes. Sample this.. Rajesh Khanna is arguing with a police man who accused RK of having kicked his dog. This goes on and on with RK saying "Nahin Babu Moshaay..." etc etc etc. U get the picture right? The punchline of the joke was RK saying "Babu Moshaay, main apni pyaari Dimple ko kabhi pyaar se chaanta bhi nahin maarta to tere kutte ko laat kaise maroonga re?.......... Dhanyavaad doston". And he was off.

But .. I still had Koena Mitra to watch out for...

Next, the MC comes to the stage and builds up the hype for the next item. Lots of arbit questions aimed at getting the audience to guess the identity of the next performer(Salman Khan). What made the whole thing very funny was that all the while this guy was shooting these questions at the public trying to generate hype , the performer was standing meekly behind him sans his shirt. The MC was not aware of this and kept asking "Do you know who it is ....???", and then with a huge wave of his hand towards the curtains announced "I welcome Salman Khan.... Junior!!!!", only to find the chap right there. There were some muted claps. welcoming Salman Khan Junior. I began to get a bit apprehensive here, if they could have a joker double up as Rajesh Khanna , and a short muscleman as Salman Khan, they might as well have some nursery kid narrate some rhymes and announce her as Koena Mitra.. junior !!

The people were getting restless, the babies and the babes included. But me the optimist, waited for Koena Mitra.

Next the MC spoks about a guy who had acted in Tamil movies and had received state government awards for a folk dance he performed. I love Tamil music and was sure that the next item would be the catalyst for some action. The curtains lifted to reveal a guy dressed up in traditional temple attire with a collection of "kalashas" on his head. Balancing these he began to dance on the stage to the rhythm of classical music. This was too much for the maamis as well and slowly the sardars in the crowd began to loudly vocalize what they thought of the whole affair. The event organisers sure had no idea about what the crowd expected out of the whole event. I told my wife that if the next item was as bad, we would call it quits Koena or no Koena. I must mention that being a girl and a wife, she did not share my enthusiasm for Koena.

The next item was a classical dance. This was announced straight, no scope for any optimism. A typical dance it was, lots of girls doing some classical stuff. The optimist in me said that there was Koena Mitra amongst those girls. Hiding under layers of clothing that she would suddenly take off in a flash announcing her arrival and then the party would begin. But no such luck and the girls completed their number.

I must also mention that the theme of the party was supposed to be a "Hawaiian Experience". The only thing that reminded me there of Hawaii was a guy walking proudly with an "Organiser" badge wearing a hat with a floral decoration. Booze was available, a 300 ml can of KF beer was priced at 50/- and a pack of popcorn available outside for 5 bucks was being sold for 20 bucks! I was pretty sure that the combination of frustration and alcohol would soon get too much for the organisers to handle unless they did something fast.

And they did, suddenly Koena Mitra came on stage with some other girls. A couple of fireworks and then her "performance" began. The crowd became hysterical and the ones close to the stage knocked down a couple of speakers and began to rush towards the stage. The guys at the back since they could not see the stage climbed atop chairs to get a better view. Net result... I was unable to catch a glimpse of what was happening on the stage.

As I mentioned while this number was on, the crowd was getting mad and as soon as the number finished, the MC came back on and requested people to move back or else "we would have a law and order problem". The crowd had however tasted blood and was in no mood to move back. Next another song was played, some fast number I do not remember but the response of the crowd was similar. Now the guys really seemed to be having a "law and order" problem. Requests to move back, once again fell on deaf ears. Having no option the MC then played his trump card. The next item was a BharatNatyam rendition by Ms XYZ. This seemed to have an effect akin to the one that Asterix fans would associate Cacofonix with. The crowds began rushing back and soon the area was clear.

After this we got really bored and decided to head back and have dinner on the way. We shook hands with the friends there and wishing them a "Happy New Year" in advance, walked out with "Dhoom machale" from "Dhoom" playing in the background.

Dinner was at Ramana's, they are having a Rajasthani feast this week. I had the "Pachmale ki daal" and "Bhati". Nothing too great. Wifey had the "Methi Malai Mutter", that was good. And after demolishing a GajarHalwa-IceCream combo we started for home. The clock struck 12:00 en-route, and there were a lot of fireworks. Jungle law seemed to prevail on MG Road and DoubleRoad with hooligans stopping cars and bikes just to say "Happy New Year". One look ascertained that these were not college punks or the richie-rich types. It was the local "Siddesha","Venktesha","Lokesha" etc etc who till a couple of years back would have been happy watching Kannada Doordarshan at home for new year. The desire to be "with it" seems to have rubbed off on them. Give me back the laidback Bangalore any day...

Reached home, wished my mom a Happy New Year and switched on the TV. Gurdas Mann was singing "Tootak Tootak ". At least some things seem to last forever. Wish you a happy new year guys!!

Item Bomb!!

2005-01-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

I have not seen "Musafir". But the movie had generated a lot of publicity preceding its launch. They were the ones that had sponsored the "Indian Item Bomb" hunt. A lot of "wannababes" had participated in the contest, some had come with their moms in tow. I could just imagine an auntie saying proudly to a correspondent "Mujhe apni baby ko ItemBomb banana hai". But the "item" that finally made it was a girl from Belarus!! Somehow the whole show seems to have been rigged up to ensure that this beauty won. Maybe she already had the signing amount for the movie beforehand. Maybe both, the auntie and her baby can try their hands (hands??) at South Indian movies. We first had the dusky South Indian heroines complaining that the producers were more keen on casting the girls from up north for their fairer complexion. Now I am sure the girls from up north are complaining on similar lines that producers seem to prefer fairer girls from outside. What next?? Albinos?? Btw Belarus does not have much of a film industry.

However it is a fact that the shelf life of all these "Item Nos" seems to be very short. Remember Isha Koppikar of the "Khallas" song ? Long time since she did some Item Number!! Last I saw of her was in the Garnier or L'Oreal ad saying that the hair gel "hid her greys"!!! Wonder if she confused greys with her grey cells!! In stock markets they say that when the local paan-waalah and the milkman start discussing about the bullish stock markets, it is time to book your profits and get out before the markets crash. On similar lines I think the warning for the "Item Nos" is when the grannies/maamis start enquiring about the Yanas and the Koenas.

Actually the "Item Bomb Hunt" advertisements did not say whether male entries were also being "entertained". This would indirectly seem to indicate that we men were not suitable for doing "Item-Numbers" in Bollywood. Sandalwood(Kannada film industry) however seems to have a headstart over this, I read recently in the papers about some Mumbai model(male) who had starred in an "Item Number" for a Kannada movie!! (Mohan must be flexing his muscles;))

But just check out the publicity that these item-girls get as soon as they shed their inhibitions. This seems to have become one fast way to get the audience attention. Neha Dhupia won the Miss IDontKnowWhat , but not many gave her much attention. That was until she starred in "Lulie" (or was it Julie?;) ), after which lot of guys were thinking about her. This fortunately seems to be catching on with more and more girls following suit. See!! ,I am not complaining !!

P.S :: My mother in law has been telling people that I work for a firm called Khoday's. At max I had felt that Kodiak might get misrepresented as Kodak .. but Khoday's?? I am sure this comes close to "Hughes" being called "Huggies".

Good link

2004-11-29T04:59:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered where junta forwarding you all those cool clips of advertisements, gets them from? Check out www.viralx.com. The collection is updated daily. Happy downloading :)

My One Night Stand

2004-11-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

In case you are the squeamish type and value your private space a lot then please do not bother to read this blog. After reading this you will become an expert in handling one night or rather all night stands. This is an "as it happened" version and do not hold me responsible for any anxiety that you experience for wanting to have one of yours.

Now that I have whetted your appetite for more, let me also tell you that this whole incident took place in a bus. Yes!! A bus. You know you have sleeper buses, now. The type in which you can sleep and go. You have two floors of narrow beds . Each bed accomodates two. Yes u heard me right. This appears to be the most preposterous thing ever invented. Binu was saying that it is a strange feeling to get up in the morning with the realisation that you had a stranger sharing your bed.

Ahhh.. you say, that's what ur one night stand is all about. "Hmmm.... interesting", you'd say and depending on your adventure,luck levels you'd either rush to make a reservation or would cross off the whole thing as a bad idea. It's definitely not a nice feeling to wake up in the middle of the night and finding a hairy hand stroking you. Brrrrrrrrrrrr....

But lemme interrupt before you go off on a tangent. I did not go in a sleeper bus. It was a crowded, overloaded, creaking, KSRTC semi luxury bus!! There was a lot of physical contact made during that night but I swear it was not voluntary. They were the ones who were falling all over me.

Yes guys... it was them. I mean the fellow passengers, fellow sufferers who were also having their one night stand. I mean we all were going standing in the bus to Davangere. Why standing? There were no seats available that's why. It was Dussehra holidays and there was absolutely no seating available in any of the buses that I enquired on. Hence this was the only option available. We did manage to get one seat however, but I gave that to my wife and braced myself for the unpleasant night.

Einstein's theory of time slowing down came to mind immediately. After what seemed like an eternity being pushed around in the bus, each time when I looked at the watch, it showed that only 5 minutes had passed. The destination being my inlaws' place was not cause for too much enthusiasm either.

For the more optimistic ones amongst you , I hope you have realized by now that there is no "stuff" in this blog. But I can give a few pointers about how to last the "one night stands". This was not the first time that I had to do a night-out. But this was as unpleasant as the ones that were spent in the office. Standing in the bus for 8 hours can be very unpleasant. So here are some points that you need to keep in mind when u promise to take ur wife to her home and do not get the bus-tickets. Trust me, going back home and promising her "we'll go next time" is not an option. I mean not a "safe" option.

Smile please!!

2004-09-24T05:10:00.000-07:00

Walking with your wife can be a risky affair as I found out. The other day we were walking down MG Road, my wife was looking for things to buy and I was "just looking" (as did James Bond in Dr No). I noticed a girl I used to meet in the gym in the crowd. I smiled, she smiled, a perfectly acceptable social gesture in a civilized society. My wife saw!! I thought .. big mistake...

She asked, "who was that?" To save my skin , I said.. "I dont know!!".

That was a bigger mistake. (guess she had not seen me smile)

"Wisdom is nothing but common sense....

in an uncommon degree"

XBox Part II

2004-09-24T04:47:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I went and purchased a converter and revved up the box. It was very nice and neat, neat images came on, the so called Dashboard and the display confirmed that it was "XBOX". But...
it came with no default games. Now why would MS not want to add a single playable game into the box that boasts of 10 GB of hard disk space is something I can never understand. I mean, make money on the games, fine... but at least allow the poor guy to have one preloaded game in the system to play!!

For the past weeks I have been following the stuff hackers have done to the xbox. From a gaming console XBox has come a long way. Last heard copies of Linux for the x-box were being distributed online. MS made a lot of attempts to ensure that the xbox is used for the purpose it was designed for, that is to play games. Games for which MS has been paid a huge royalty by the company marketing the games. But all were in vain, even an Indian website bazee.com is selling kits and modchips that if installed allow the xbox to run every damn CD available. Any game, any movie, any region etc etc. But I am very happy for the hackers.

I believe that there was a contest featuring an award of 1,00,000$ for booting up Linux on the xbox without making any hware changes to the xbox. I think the objective was achieved by making use of a bug present in a game for the xbox. So the xbox has reached the status of a very cheap computer!! MS intended to sell the xbox first and make money on the games. But the hackers have ensured not only piracy to flourish , but also for the xbox be used to be run as a server!!

What was most hilarious was that after discovering a way to make the xbox run Linux, the hackers made a public request to MS to "officially" introduce a version of Linux that would run on the xbox failing which the hackers would be forced to reveal the hack. MS reacted in the way everybody expected them to, by threatening the hackers with lawsuits! Now, there are books available on amazon that provide details about how to repair the xbox and make it do what any computer does. Long live the hackers :)

I had a few doubts about my tv handling the NTSC format that the xbox plays. The first images I had seen were grainy and B/W. I seriously worried abt the decision of purchasing the box from US instead of UK. But a look at the manual the TV came with got me acquainted with a button the remote that enables the NTSC mode. A typical case of RTFM!!!

I now wait for the games. Sito !! Thy return is awaited famously!!!

XBOX Part I

2004-09-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Just have to share this news with all!! My xbox arrived on Tuesday. I proudly brought it home, the box with the accompanying jacks and stuff. Dad asked immediately, "What's that?". So I told him.

The response was met with a grave look. Guess it is not a very reassuring thought for a father to have a 28 yr old married son spending thousands on video games. The fact that I had recently purchased a comic set for an exorbitant price(It'S ASTERIX for heavens' sake) did not help my cause much either.

But as they say , "You gotta do what you gotta do". ;)

All enthusiasm at starting it up waned immediately as I saw the power cord rating of 120V. We have a 220 V supply here, just like the queen. Wonder why the Americans wanted to be different in everything that they do. So I gave up on any further attempts until I had a transformer capable of the task.

gazals

2004-09-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

Just finished a road trip to Davangere. Since I now have a decent music system, I had decided to buy a couple of decent cassettes to listen to. A couple of Jagjit Singh albums were it. So that was the music that we listened to for nearly the entire journey. (Oh! I must not forget the "Tum to thehre Pardesi" album that too featured prominently.)

There is something mystic abt the word Gazal, u just have to like the sound of it. The lyrics of the Gazals by Jagjit Singh are definitely a treat. One of them had the opening line:-

"Tum nahin, Gam Nahin, Sharaab nahin"

At first it appears to translate to, "If u arent't there, there is no sorrow or need for alcohol".
Not a very pleasing compliment. But the next line goes:-

"Aisi tanhayee ka javaab nahin"

If I need to translate this, then the impact is lost. But I too joined in the ensuing "Vaah Vaah Vaah" :)

Firangi!!!

2004-09-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Girls are very emotional,in a strange way. I am soon realising that. My wife had to spend a day away at some resort for some office partying. She was very sad at the thought of having fun without me. I mean she was feeling guilty. She confessed her feelings to her girlfriends. And they all tried to get her cheerful by saying, "its only for a day" and stuff like that. Except for a foreign female who is out there doing an internship or something. She said, "No.. No.. No, you must not worry, you must trust your husband"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Trust???", my girl had not not thought of all that??? "Trust"??

Ever since I am not allowed outside of home for long durations.

Speaking of that same firang female, when my wife first told me about her, my "intellectual" instincts were aroused. I immediately asked my wife to get her home for lunch or dinner or whatever. All instincts were doused by the look my wife gave me. I believe all her friends had also spoken to their husbands, boy-friends about this firang. And each one of them had requested their girls to get this firang for lunch, dinner, whatever. Men have similar instincts I guess;)

Honey.... hold my bag.

2004-08-09T06:13:00.000-07:00

Guys that are involved, or worse, married, would surely be conversant with the heading of this blog. Oft repeated in shops, supermarkets, this is one sentence that the lady uses to show who's the boss. Ur course of action upon hearing this, gives a clear picture of the type of relationship that the two of you enjoy. (Enjoy??)

I have always been the type who hated carrying even a shoulderbag, it was too much of a burden I felt, and always went with free hands and back. Nothing to carry around, a free man, no bondage or responsibility. And now, I need to carry a feminine purse, inside a crowded shop, exposed to the speculation of the entire population there . The girls, are like, "oh, cho chweet , he is cho nice...", full of ambitions and plans for their own mate, poor bugger. The senior ones amongst them, if married, "hmmm, control main rakha hai, good", if not, "lucky *****".

And the guys.... well I should know, they do exactly as I used to do when I saw such a thing happening in my hey-days. It ranges from a nudge to a friend, to a well rehearsed "poor chap" smile.

But is there an alternative, I mean can i say, "Hold ur bag urself, I am not going to hold "that""??? Maybe I can...

Maybe I can fantasise, that is. The analysis of a man's course of action when confronted with such brutality can reveal a lot about his own personality.

In case u are in the beginning of a relationship, I guess that is the first hint she is giving you about the "future". So some guys usually grab it with both hands and proudly carry it for the rest of the trip. To married men, the scene appears like a goat proudly walking with a garland around its neck towards imminent slaughter. The smart ones, look slightly uneasy and take it reluctantly, only to return it as soon as she is done with whatever she was doing in the first place. The smartest ones, I guess take the bag and some money from it as well...

The guys in the first category are the ones that graduate to being called "joru ka gulaam".

LOBO

2004-08-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

One of my earlier posts had been about the Sardar mess run by the Sikh gentleman Rangeela Singh. Equally popular in Mysore at those times was the mess run by the legendary Lobo. The place was a mess(sic) and a lodge combined in one. Though I would not rate the food served there as particularly high, it was the ambience and the personality of the owner that keeps reminding me of the days that we used to spend there. Anybody who has eaten there would surely have fond memories of "Lobo's Mess" , as it was called.

All of us remember the size and gait of the legendary actor, Amjad Khan, who played the "Gabbar Singh" character in the movie "Sholay". Lobo was built exactly like that, in other words " Huge ". The mess used to cater primarily to the student community staying in nearby areas, and his frame and personality made him a perfect candidate for the job , since students have a perennial penchant for mishief and amnesia while paying bills. The sight of Lobo Uncle getting up and rolling his sleeves was enough to make anybody remember even the most trivial amount that he owed towards the mess. However I dont know of any instance when he had to raise his voice to settle any dispute.

We students were the usual customers at his place, some of us had a monthly arrangement that entitled us to some discounts and some others were on a daily "pay and eat" regimen. I was one of his regular customers and was regularly invited to the bashes at his place on christmas, new year (more on those later). He used to serve breakfast, lunch and dinner at his place, 6 days a week. Saturday was his off day, and on Sunday at breakfast his eyes were invariably red. As I mentioned earlier, he had a TV placed in the hall and the TV programmes or the cricket matches used to be the primary topics around which conversations used to hover during meal times. Since it was mostly guys who used to visit the mess, a lot of raunchy jokes were also enjoyed and he used to whole heartedly join in.

He ran the mess inside his house. The drawing room had been converted into a makeshift dining room with two tables and chairs. His own place in the room, was at another small table placed next to the TV in the room. The dining room of his house was also used for the purpose of serving food and was bang next to the kitchen. All in all we never felt that we going to a commercial establishment, it was just like going and having food at the next door neighbour's place. As for helpers he had two of them initially, Manja and Siddesha. They were just kids and we used to wonder if the 8 bucks we paid for the meal were at the cost of child labour . A distinct memory is Lobo screaming "Manjaaaaa , table clean maadu". These two were mostly involved in peripheral kitchen activities, cutting, cleaning, serving. The bulk of the work used to be done by his wife, who we rarely used to see since most of the time she was occupied in the kitchen. We really used to wonder about her life, or the lack of it. A house cum mess, only the bedroom to call her own room, cooking thru out the day?? But whenever we used to see her on rare occassions, she was always smiling.

Lobo was no bully, but he was a very shrewd businessman. I remember that while cricket matches were being aired all of us showed great reluctance to get up from the table and tried to extend the meal for as long as possible. Other guys would meanwhile wait outside for their turn at the table. Lobo used to immediately switch the channel to some arbitrary channel and demonstrate new-found interest in that, until we left the table. But he was a good person at heart is what me thinks. I remember that my roommate Sumit had once broken down at the mess after one of his exams had gone pretty bad. Lobo was greatly touched by this display of emotion and promptly invited Sumit for a beer session, all on the house. His methods were a bit crude but effective. In order to maintain good relations with us students and to maintain the clientele we used to be regularly invited to his parties and bday bashes. Booze and food used to flow during these occassions and having had partaken his hospitality we indebted ourselves to his mess and food and did find it difficult to leave the mess and join another one.

But his christmas parties were the no-holds-barred types. Booze and food were the best in town. And all of us used to ensure that we had skipped breakfast and had an empty stomach while we made it to the lunch. A distinct memory is Lobo asking the postman who had come to deliver letters also to have a couple of swigs. The postman , veteran that he was, immediately downed two shots neat to the cheers of all others. I am sure that on that day a lot of people missed their post.

Of Messes and Lanterns

2004-07-28T00:12:00.001-07:00

Yesterday since mom had not cooked at home, had an opportunity to visit the nearby "mess" serving the standard north indian meal, . The very sight of the place would make any one nostalgic. Half a dozen tables placed in a small room, lot of "just out of college" guys and a lot of cribs about the mess food. These are the things that make a mess memorable. I mean I have never met a single guy who remembers and drools at the thought of the hostel or mess food. Its got be bad in order to produce nostalgia after a few years I guess.

Speaking of messes, Mysore, where I finished my engineering had a whole lot of them. It was very common to find the whole flock rushing towards some newly opened mess and raving about the excellent food and service available there. But it took a very short while for the novelty to wear off and the hunt for a different place to begin. But then there were some that really held our interest , until our gorge-capacities drove the owner to bankruptcy.

I remember the very first day I heard one of our seniors describing the directions to the SardarMess. "Us patli gali se neeche jao, ek naala aayega, use cross karna, gaadi lekar mat jaana, paidal jaana, fir vahaan par kafi bachche khel rahe honge, unmein ek sardar ladka bhi hoga, usse poochhna ki mess kahan hai, agar uska mood hoga to voh batayega varna kisi aur sardar ko dhoondhna". But what was surprising was that these were as precise directions as could be got. You walked down the narrow lane and bang there u could find lots of grimy kids playing some local version of cricket,(pitch catch out and so on), but what stood out amongst them was a boy who was the most vociferous with his shouts in Kannada. What made him stand out was that he was a sardar kid. In mysore finding a Sikh in those days was a rarity and finding one who knew his "maa", "behen" in kannada even more so!! As forewarned, this guy was least bothered about furthering his parents' business. And did not even bother to help us much beyond pointing a finger vaguely in the direction of a decrepit house. And questions as regards the timings and whom to contact were met with an impatient look.

Once we joined the mess however we realised that the seniors were as passionate about their business as the kids uninterested in it. I do remember an instance when the Sardar's son came back after writing his CBSE XII Maths paper. He being a good friend of ours all of us were interested in knowing about his performance but decided to leave the stage free for his parents for further enquiries. Sardar uncle stood up and commanded "Roti de de sabko....", and thats it!! And the son religiously went in and brought out the huge stack of rotis and started handing them out!! It was no different from any other day and we too continued our meal. Later we learnt that he had done pretty decently in the papers. But I definitely wondered whether the indifferent attitude towards the son's exams was intentional on the part of the father who himself was a very highly educated and respected person.

But the food served there was divine! Rotis,subjee, daal and onions. Bliss.. what more could hungry guys ask for before going to bed? And this too, after some exteremly hazardous driving to reach the mess, a path that could put any of the dirt tracks in competitions to shame. Whoever said "Parishram ka fal meetha hota hai", sure knew what he was saying!!.

What's a Reception??

2004-07-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday had to attend the "reception" of a friend. Or is it more correct to write the "Reception of a friend's wedding"? But what exactly is a reception? Is the concept borrowed from the west? Do they have anything called a reception? As far as I can see, this is the only function in Hindu marriages that is totally bereft of any religious ceremonies. Hope no priests are reading this, who'd sense an opportunity here. What appears obvious is that this is the time when the couple free from the rules imposed during the marriage procedure are much more relaxed and that sets the stage for "Kodak Moments". I guess it is the photo opportunities that are the driving factor for the "reception". The couple are free to dress as they choose and the photographer also is free to request any number of snaps and repeats (something that is frowned upon by the priests while the marriage was on). If u check out the wedding albums, it is the reception photographs that will be shown first. The actual wedding photographs would not have come out that well!!

As I write, I remember a wedding I had attended some months ago. The photographer was a close relative of the groom and was extremely passionate about his hobby. But so was the priest about his profession. The entire ceremony became a sort of cold war between the photographer and the priest. The priest felt that the chap was interfering with the sacred rites by requesting proper angles and repeats of a few shots, and the photographer was fuming because of not being given opportunities for good "shots". At a point the priest actually said "Idenu cricket match alla, replay madodikke"(this is not a cricket match to have replays). And the photographer was like, "let this get over and I will show him who is who". I am sure that the priest did not get much photo-space in the couple's albums:)

Anyway , one fact remains, I really enjoy the food served at "receptions", rather than the main ceremony itself, since that is more in keeping with the current trends rather than the ceremonial obligations.

Of limewater and lemons

2004-07-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

Before going to bed yesterday, was thinking about my school days. Even though it has been 10 years(that long!!!), to that day my memories of most of my school life are surprisingly intact. I mean if u can recall the names of most of the girls in ur 6th Std class photograph(not just the babes mind you), then that is pretty good I'd say. Our class was full of the standard school characters, the bully, the class prankster(me??), the studious types, the squealers, the sportsmen and so on. But all of them together made my memories of the school what they were.

I remembered the yoga competition that I was forced to take part in. The smell of the dank carpets is still with me. I wonder what made the house master select me for participating in the competition. But the competition was rigged shamelessly, I even knew which asana I would be asked to perform. When my turn came I religiously started doing all the asanas in a sequence without even realising that these were supposed to be selected by the judges. But the most surprising thing was that neither the audience nor the chief guests smelt a rat ;) and I finished to ths sound of the tired claps of bored students just waiting to rush home.

We always used to have these competitions on Saturday afternoons. So when they ended there was joy for leaving the place and also for the Sunday. That was also the time when one could catch glimpses of the new students (babes).

But one memory of my school stands out. As a part of our Std XI syllabus we were required to conduct a science experiment and demonstrate it in front of the class with the explanation and the works. Guys came out with all kinds of stuff, me came out with the "Effect of pasteurisation on milk", another one came out with some major electroplating stuff. But there were two studs who decided upon demonstrating the effect of carbond dioxide on limewater. Remember this was the XI std and I distinctly remember the phrase "CarbonDioxide turns limewater milky" from my V Std. But what the heck, this was just a formality and the teacher knew that anything more ambitious was beyond the reaches of those two.

Anyway the couple since they had some good faith in my scholastic abilities approached me to witness their experiment and the explanation following the same. I was a bit apprehensive the moment the chap started blowing air thru the glass supposedly containing limewater. It was nowhere close to being milky. But the chap insisted that the water had indeed changed colour. Fine, I said, maybe I had colour blindness or something. He finished it with a decent explanation abt Carbon Dioxide and Calcium Hydroxide. As I was commending them, I noticed a couple of lemons on the table. When I asked abt them, they looked at me with a look that said, "what a guy we picked upon!!". They said, "Lime water kaise banayenge nimboo ke bina bata??".

It took me sometime to convince the couple that lime was what the neighbourhood paanwalla used to apply on their paans!!